Of All the Lies, This One Sucks the Most

Of all the lies America tells itself while wrapped in a Walmart flag and eating freedom fries dipped in boot polish, the one that pisses me off the most is this:

Undocumented immigrants are dangerous criminals.

Oh yeah? That’s why that one brown guy got a ticket for jaywalking, right? Real menace to society. Call in the tanks.

Let’s be clear: This lie is not new. It’s not clever. It’s not even subtle. But like expired mayonnaise at a family BBQ, it keeps showing up and making everybody sick.

Especially when it’s served up by greasy demagogues like Trump, who absolutely know better but have built an entire political brand on scaring White and Black folks into thinking every brown person is here to steal their Medicare and kick their poodle—even though it’s Elon Musk taking the Medicare and Kristi “Demon Eyes” Noem killing the dogs.

And I get it—truth about rich fuckwits doesn’t get clicks. Fear about brown people does.

Truth makes people think.
Fear makes people vote.

So instead of checking actual data, a whole bunch of Americans seem cool with just pointing at some brown guy mowing his lawn and yelling “IlLeGaL!” like they’re at a damn witch trial.

Personal example?
When my Mexican American ex-husband—then a magazine editor in LA, born in San Diego, spoke not a speck of Spanish—went out to work on the yard of our condo in Orange County, an Old White Neighbor flinched her way across the street to ask him, in extremely loud English, how much he’d charge to do her yard too.

“You can’t afford me,” he told her.
“And this is my house.”

---

We’re Looking at YOU, Reporters and Politicians. Even the Goddamned Democrats.

Here’s the reality:

Undocumented immigrants commit crimes at significantly lower rates than native-born U.S. citizens.

Let me say that again for the people in the back—or the ones watching Fox News with the volume up to 90:

Undocumented immigrants are less likely to commit crimes than your MAGA cousin Brandon who still refuses to believe his smiley blonde pastor raped your kid.

But do we ever lead with that?
Noooope. Because the facts aren’t “scary.”

They don’t “bleed,” so they don’t lead.

And if they don’t lead, they don’t serve the narrative. And the narrative is clear:

Brown = scary.
Spanish = threat.
Border = invasion.
Latino = Immigrant = Illegal = Criminal = Danger = Okay to Kill.

It’s all bullshit. Lazy, racist, easily debunked bullshit.

But politicians keep saying it, and reporters keep repeating it like it’s scripture.

Kamala Harris knew better—but played along anyway, visiting the border like anything was going on there. Nothing was going on there. Yet and still, she crowed about “fixing” the “border crisis.”

Because this myth is now like Christianity: We pretend it’s true because enough people believe it—and to do otherwise is career suicide.

The Thomas Theorem.

And if I had a dollar for every time a headline conflated “Latino” with “immigrant” with “criminal,” I could buy back every TV show Hollywood optioned from me and then buried like a Mob secret.

---

Let’s Talk About Media Complicity (Yes, Entertainment Counts Too)

Here’s a fun stat:

Roughly 67% of Latinos in the U.S. are not immigrants.
Most of us were born here. Like, in hospitals. While Friends was playing in the background.

But you wouldn’t know that from TV.
Just like you wouldn’t know that:

• 93% of Latino schoolchildren in the U.S. were born here

• There are 62 million Latinos in the USA

• There are more Latinos in the U.S. than Canadians in Canada

• Latinos are the majority in California and Texas

We aren’t new here.
We aren’t exotic.
And we sure as fuck aren’t criminals or aliens.

You only think we are because you saw it, like Trump did, in a fucking movie.

In Hollywood fare, Latinos almost never appear, despite being 20 percent of the population. And when we do appear, we’re always negative stupid stereotypes.

• the gangbanger,

• the drug mule,

• the sneaky-ass maid,

• or the stoic, unnamed field worker who says one line before dying so the white lead can learn something about life.

Sometimes, we get to be cops or soldiers. But only if we’re played by Michael Peña.

You never see us as dentists. Or podcast hosts. Or that annoying guy in your HOA group chat who keeps pushing for turf grass. (We have those too!)

---

I Write Humans. Hollywood Tries to Rewrite Them.

I write novels that show Latinas as teachers, lawyers, parents, weirdos, nerds, lovers, screwups.

You know—humans.

And when those books sold over a million copies in 11 languages, I thought:
“Hey! Maybe Hollywood will finally get it.”

Spoiler alert: nope.

Yes, they wanted to adapt the books.
No, they did not get me—or us—or our voices.

Big networks. Big producers. Big “we love your voice” energy.
And every time?

They try to turn my characters into Narcos: The Babysitter Edition.

They erase the humanity. Flatten the nuance.
Ask if my protagonist has to be from Boston, or could she maybe be from, like, Juárez but plucky?

Is it realistic that she’d drive a Range Rover?

Is it believable that they’d all go to college?

And when I say no to their dumbass notes?

They shelve the project. Every time.
And whisper I’m “not a team player.”

Thing is—I’m a great team player.
Just not on a team they’ll let into the league.

I used to think it was bad luck.
Now I know better.

It’s by design.

Because when Latinos show up as regular-ass Americans, it messes with the whole narrative.

It makes it harder to dehumanize us.
It makes it harder to justify cages, walls, or fascist fairy tales.

That’s dangerous.

To them.

Because if a lying degenerate thug like Donald Trump or Herbert Hoover can’t blame their newest crimes on people like us, the people might realize who’s truly to blame.

---

Final Thought: If You’re Gonna Talk Shit, At Least Use Data

There is no border crisis.
There is no brown crime wave.
There is no “invasion.”

It’s a fairy tale for fascists.
It’s a horror movie for racists who think empathy is a liberal conspiracy.

And the people parroting this garbage—whether they’re politicians or journalists or That Guy On Facebook—are doing harm. Real harm.

They’re making it easier to hurt families.
To rip away protections.
To build policies based on lies.

So:

• If you’re a reporter? Check your damn facts.

• If you’re a voter? Stop being a sucker.

• And if you’re Trump?
  Well, I’d say go touch grass—but you’d probably deport the homeowner who cut it.

---

🔥 Subscribe if you're tired of the lies.

Because someone has to tell the truth. Might as well be this chick right here.