The Democrats Already Have Their Next President. They’re Just Too Stupid to See It.
(Or: Run Jasmine Crocket, You Cowards)
Well, it’s official: Rep. Jasmine Crockett just announced her candidacy to become Ranking Member of the House Oversight Committee.
Here’s her press release — go read it and remind yourself what an actual leader of human beings sounds like when they open their mouth instead of doing a little “Am I allowed to say this?” peek over at the corporate donors: [link].
And I’m here to tell you something you’ve probably already noticed — unless you’re the second coming of Norman Bates, known as Ken Martin, or the Soggiest Piece of Toast in America, known as Hakeem Jeffries:
The Democrats ALREADY have exactly who they need to win in 2028 and beyond.
They have her in Jasmine Crockett.
They just won’t run her.
Because they’re stupid.
And racist.
And sexist.
They can’t tell Black women apart, and blame Kamala Harris’ loss on her melanin and ovaries rather than, you know, her centrist milquetoast policies and failure to stop romancing Oprah like it was 1999.
They’ve already decided “Black women can’t win in America,” rather than “Kamala Harris didn’t win in America,” because they have a long, disgusting history of greeting every Black woman they’ve ever met with “Hey, sistah!” before mentioning that their brother “once dated an African American girl, and we were fine with it, really.”
When Mike Dukakis lost, no one in the DNC decided white men were unelectable in the United States. They decided Mike Dukakis was unelectable.
They are too backward to do the same for Harris — in one of the most common methods of gatekeeping enacted upon, well, people like me. When white men fail, it’s on them personally; when anyone else does, it’s because of the group to which they are purported to belong.
The DNC is also addicted to the mind-bogglingly insane idea that the only way to beat Trump is to become more like him — just maybe with better-fitting golf pants, a special Big Pharma “We Have the Tools But They’re Not For Poor People Anymore” tote bag, and maybe a side of reproductive freedom, but also maybe not. Shrug.
Here’s what they’re too asinine to understand: Jasmine Crockett is the antidote.
And for the kids in the DNC comms shop — you know, the ones still trying to decide between Helvetica and Arial on the next “Vote Blue No Matter Who” bumper sticker — listen up:
Jasmine Crockett would be popular for the same sociocultural reasons Donald Trump is popular.
Crockett is what MAGA voters think they’re getting from Trump — except she’s smart, principled, grounded in reality, and actually gives a damn about the American people.
She is funny.
She is plain-spoken.
She will tell Elon Musk to fuck off — ON CAMERA — and then go vote for affordable insulin before lunch, with her nails looking freakin’ amazing.
She is visibly herself — lashes, bold colors, Southern drawl, courtroom grit — and dares you to have a problem with it.
Best of all: she does not need an expensive think tank or marketing firm to tell her how to sound like a person other people might like.
Hell, half the think tanks and marketing firms out there need her to tell them how to sound like people other people might like.
She has all the qualities that made MAGA love Trump — except she’s not a narcissistic con man cosplaying a dictator.
She’s a genius with big earrings that everyone at the think tank would advise her to lose. And they’d be dead wrong.
Because in an America that is sick and tired of Think Tanks and Other Pandering Sociopathic Ivy League Bullshit, the THAT of Jasmine Crockett is the formula that wins.
So who is Jasmine Crockett?
Born and raised in St. Louis.
Law degree from University of Houston.
Ran her own criminal defense and civil rights law practice.
Texas State House rep — one of the Dems who walked out to block voter suppression bills.
Now in Congress repping Texas’s 30th District (Dallas, where all the most beautiful women in the nation live).
Backed by Congressional Black Caucus.
Real-deal progressive: Medicare for All, voting rights, reproductive rights, climate action, student debt relief, police reform.
She’s not trying to “look presidential.”
She’s out here BEING a leader who looks like a beauty queen from the real Texas (no longer a white-majority state, friends) — the one Hollywood still doesn’t realize exists.
And folks feel that.
But will the DNC run her?
HA. Come on. You know this movie.
They have a PATTERN. And they haven’t learned a damn thing.
They are deeply committed to losing.
They’re the same party that had a winner in Bernie Sanders — and torpedoed him twice.
They told us “progressives are too scary” while slobbering over Liz fucking Cheney at the gala like it was lesbian prom night and she brought spiked punch in a thermos that read “My Dad Went to Abu Grab And All I Got Was This Crummy Thermos.”
They froze out David Hogg — one of the most effective young progressive voices in the country — for daring to say the obvious:
Y’all keep bleeding young voters because you’re too corporate, too cautious, and too terrified of real populism.
And now? They’re busy hiring think tanks to tell them “how to make Joe Rogan wanna hang out with someone like Pete Buttigieg without making a joke about how he’s a gay guy with ‘butt’ in his name.”
Good luck with that. Might as well pay a think tank to teach you how to breathe water.
Here’s the truth:
Populism wins.
Trump’s version is fascist cosplay. But the desire for it? That’s real.
The country is hurting. They can see right through the lies. Caution doesn’t win votes when the populace is in crisis.
I am TELLING Y’ALL: Jasmine Crockett is the actual populist leader we want.
She connects. She fights. She doesn’t back down.
She is Texas tough and movement-smart.
She says what the rest of us are thinking — and that kind of catharsis goes down as cool and refreshing as the best Ranch Water cocktail made with Topo Chico and a twist of lime.
She can take a stage with Trump — and WIN the damn room.
Even MAGA will RESPECT her.
They won’t like her. But they’ll respect the hell out of her — even if they’re too afraid of being kicked out of the Ku Klux Kiwanis to say it out loud.
But will the DNC do the obvious thing? Of course not.
They are too busy chasing after imaginary “reasonable Republicans” who haven’t existed since Blockbuster was in business.
And when their next beige sandwich of a candidate flops?
They’ll stand there blinking, wondering why young voters and working-class voters stayed home.
And the think tank will conclude it was because they didn’t go far enough to the right.
Meanwhile, the rest of us SEE Jasmine Crockett.
And we’re all ready to do the electric slide to the left.
Here’s your homework:
Watch her.
Share her speeches.
Talk about her.
Tell your friends: THIS is what leadership looks like.
And if the DNC won’t run her?
Hell — maybe it’s time we build something that will.
Run Jasmine Crockett, you cowards.
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I will vote for her whatever she runs for, especially President!
Love Jasmine Crockett! As a professional and as a person.